


Every End Is A New Beginning

by JakeDov



Category: A Conjuring Of Light - Fandom, A Gathering Of Shadows - Fandom, Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab
Genre: Boys In Love, Brother Feels, Brotherly Love, Family Feels, Feels, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Love, M/M, Other, Step-Brothers, love is stronger than hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 18:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11629119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JakeDov/pseuds/JakeDov
Summary: Ending scene of V.E. Schwab´s "A Conjuring of Light" from Rhy´s perspective -- Rhy and Alucard seeing Kell and Lila and the crew of the Night Spire off: It will be touchy-feely, it will be angsty, probably also fluffy....





	Every End Is A New Beginning

Every End Is A New Beginning

Rhy leaned heavily against the iron-wrought balustrade of the balcony and gripped the rail so hard that the knuckles of his hands showed white through his dark brown skin. He breathed deeply and tried to stifle the overwhelming sense of loss that was threatening to break through and flood him from within. 

He had tried so hard to hold it all together, not to despair when Osaron had nearly killed him – again – had tried not to lose his mind when both his father and mother were killed on the very same night, only a few hours apart and Rhy had been left entirely alone. He had tried to keep appearances up for his people and his subjects – and even more so for his late parents, who wouldn’t have had it any other way – in the hours and days after, in the weeks since. He had done his best to stay strong for his people and his country, both of which had been direly in need of his help after the strain the Black King had imposed on them; he had tried to do his best and to convince all of them – the people of his town, the common folk, the guards, the palace members, the nobles and courtiers, the minions and protégés that seemed to follow him wherever he was going and never left him a single minute to catch his breath if he was not explicitly putting his foot down, and Kell, Lila and Alucard – to assure them he was fine. He had kept a straight face, acted the suave king for all of them and for more. For the people that had suffered dreadful losses, experienced death and woe and strife in these dark, dark days, and who now looked up to him for new hope, for new life, up to him, their new king. He must not let them down!

Rhy sucked in another huge gulp of chilly air and gladly let it freeze his insides over for a moment, in the hope of obliterating all these annoyingly unsettling feelings. He was positive that he had had even Kell fooled successfully, had at long last convinced his brother that he was and would be fine with this new burden that had been placed on his shoulders so suddenly and much too early to feel comfortable, had persuaded the older boy that the former prince would be all right if left on his own now. Otherwise Kell would never have agreed to go, much as he would have wanted to. 

It tore at the sizzling fringes of Rhy´s overstrained heart to think of his brother now, of the way he had looked at him when they had said their goodbyes, of the pain in his eyes about the thought of leaving his best friend behind for an as of yet indeterminate amount of days, yet at the same time there had been eager anticipation and sheer insatiable curiosity in his expression as well. After all, this was what Kell had waited for all his life. Rhy prayed with all his vigour to every divine or magical being that held any sway over the fate of puny little men such as him, that Kell would return to him safely. And soon; as soon as possible in fact. But he couldn’t get himself to regret this agreement, the final decision of letting Kell go, of allowing him to for once do what he wanted, what the quiet red-headed boy had dreamed about since the moment the Maresh family had taken him in and given him a new home. It was what they´d both talked about so often, wherever they had been, whatever else had been going on, they had always been making plans for this very moment and Rhy was happy for his brother that the day had indeed finally come where he could relieve Kell from the duties his late father had imposed on the young Antari and set him free to see the world. Only, he would never have guessed that he himself would not be at Kell´s side the entire time, that they would not be able to share this all new set of experiences like they used to share everything else, and he figured it would take a lengthy amount of time to get used to living without knowing Kell to be constantly by his side. It felt almost as if something vital had been ripped from him and he felt strangely naked and all alone. He frowned and massaged his chest where an intermittent throbbing would always be part of him now, would always assure him that as long as he lived, as long as he could stand up and breathe, Kell would be okay as well. That was something, at least. He mused about the depth of their connection and about everything that bound them together – now tighter than ever before. It had been hard to let him go, so much harder to do the right thing than Rhy would have thought it would be. If that was what it meant to be King all the time, he would die a very quick and very heartbroken death, he was sure of that. He was quick to laughter and amusement and loved to debauch, but he guessed he was really no fun to be with in no matter what kind of strain or any situation of personal crisis. Letting Kell go had been the right thing to do, but it had not been easy, would get harder every day the two would spend apart, and Rhy was far from okay with any of it.

“He will come back. You know that, right?”, a soft-spoken voice suddenly said from off to his right and even before Rhy had turned around to face the wide and in the vane light of afternoon sun softly shimmering double glass doors that would lead back into his new chambers, back into what he still thought of as his father´s dominion, but which was now his for life, he knew who was about to join him.  
He knew who was approaching him way before he cast up his troubled eyes and took the newcomer in, even before he gripped the metal bars of the railing even tighter for fear of cracking up for good, of finally letting out the building knot in the pit of his stomach and be vulnerable in front of the one person he really wanted to appear his strongest for. Knowing that he probably would be able to see through the young king in seconds anyways – with both his magical and his regular sight – didn’t help make the situation any easier for Rhy either.

He had been utterly alone just a second ago (and even left quite definite orders with the two young sentinels guarding his doors not to let anyone come before his grace, no matter what happened, no matter what impossible situation might be pending). If he was not able to accompany Kell, he was at least about to see his brother off, and he would do it properly, that was really the least he could do. He felt he owed it to himself as well as to his brother. Furthermore, he knew he just wouldn’t have been able to endure the easy banter and the subtle intricacies of court right now, not when his heart threatened to shatter into a million pieces every second. He also knew that there would only be one person imperious and bold enough to override his immediate commands and join him on the aloof balcony adjoining his most private chambers, the only place he could still hope to be utterly alone these days – and he´d probably do it with a crocked smile on his full, dark lips too, eyebrows arched, two identical dimples deeply indented on his stubbly cheeks. Only he would get away with it before the king, and both the king and the unexpected intruder knew it. Rhy felt himself unexpectedly longing quite desperately for this particular company with all the power this special someone held over his soul. 

“He may have left for now,” the newcomer continued gently, “he may even want to stay gone for quite some time, but we both know he´ll always come back. It´s his city after all, it´s his home. The only home he ever knew, the only place he ever belonged. And he´ll always return for that. For that and for you.”

Rhy closed his eyes and took his fair time answering. It was not before the other man had placed a warm hand on his increasingly chilly one and slowly intertwined their fingers, and he felt the intimate touch bring just a little strength back into his wavering resolution, that he exhaled deeply before mustering the courage to open his lids again and chance a tired look out across his city, over his people, all across what was now his country. Lately, it felt like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and though he had been brought up to be exactly who he had to be now for the length of his entire life, by his father, by his mother, by Master Tieren and by so, so many more, he felt far from ready for all of it and desperately wished he could go back to being a mere and innocent prince, the way things had been before. He wanted to go back to visiting the streets and taverns, brothels and inns of his London with Kell, wanted to go back to the times the two unlike brothers had roamed the streets at night and slept in late at day, had enjoyed themselves and never once taken anything or anyone as serious as they should have had, and to the way he – Rhy – had amused himself with making Kell uncomfortable in a myriad of different and always very mind-numbingly creative ways while the older boy was only ever trying to take care of the reckless prince, to watch out for and protect his younger brother. He wished they could all go back to how it had been before Osaron, he wished he could undo everything that had happened these past few weeks, take away all the woe and strife, the mourning and the sadness and bring happiness back into this country, into this city and into the hearts of all the men and women that dwelled within. More than anything else, though, he wished he could get his parents back. His father, who would have been at hand with help and advice for an inexperienced son, who would have backed and supported him, who would have prepared him slowly for what it truly meant to be a king. And his mother, the sweet, delicate and ever so cautious person whom he had loved with all his heart but feared never appreciated enough; what he would give to get them back for just a minute, what he would do to once more hear his father´s reprimands or feel his mother´s arms wrapped around him while she whispered into his ear in a way that would make him the most comfortable he ever had been that all was fine, that he needn’t worry, that he never had to worry again, that he would be able to endure, that he would be able to hold this kingdom together and guide it through the oncoming periods of insecurity. He longed for that with an ache that felt bigger than his nimble frame could encompass, bigger than he could ever have imagined. But they were all gone now. His father, his mother, Hasta, Gen and Parish, who had only done their jobs and died for being too devoted to the royal family, Luc´s little sister, Kasimyir and so, so many others of the people the royal family should have protected, so many of his subjects, which to the Maresh prince now felt as if he had let down each and every one of them personally. It was too late now to turn back the time, though, and Osaron had left his indelible marks all over this town, all over its inhabitants and all over the souls that now looked up to him – Rhy Maresh, son of the late Maxim and new King of London and all that lay around – to guide them, to lead them, to protect them. He only wished he was strong enough for them, he only hoped he could endure, could live up to their hopes and expectations in comparison to the character his father had been, and vowed to make them as happy as they had been before – or at least die trying. 

He desperately wished to be a good king, a fair one, a just one. A beacon of hope his people could rely on in times of hardship and strife, just like his father had been and which Rhy had taken for granted. He had never cared to notice what a toll it took to reign a city, a kingdom, to hold it all together. Only the strongest could survive this, and Rhy just didn’t know if he was, if he ever would be strong enough. He had tried so hard, so hard to make things better, had even tried to fight the dark King from another world off all by himself, had really tried to make a difference, but it felt like in the end, it had almost all been in vain. The world was too big by far to be saved by a single person, much less a spoiled and immature princeling who wanted to play with his betters. A princeling who was now king and found himself thrown off track completely, lost, without a proper clue as to what to do.

“Rhy…?”, inquired the velvety voice again and Rhy finally opened his eyes. The warmth on his fingers fled and a rustling of garments indicated his unexpected visitor distancing himself from him. Though – all gods be thanked – not far. He turned his head only to find Alucard standing right next to him, idly leaning with his hip against the railing of their narrow vantage point, head cocked to the side, dark eyes curious and even a little bit worried as he looked over at his troubled regent. He had his back to the city, to the River and the sea, where just now the Night Spire was setting black sails and began to slip away, his undivided attention fixated on Rhy, arms crossed, eyebrows sympathetically drawn. They locked stares for just a moment and though Rhy didn’t know what Luc saw in there, it must have been something truly dark and hideous, vulnerable and raw, as Alucard detached himself from the masonry with a subtle tug of his hips and after a small step he was there by the king´s side, an affectionately caressing hand sneaking across Rhy´s shoulder where he pressed down his fingers softly. 

“Are you okay?” 

When Rhy didn’t answer, Alucard pulled him against his chest tenderly and the prince gladly rested his weary head against the older man´s shoulder. The magician smelled of summer and sun, of light and brightness and of sea-water even though he no longer lived on a boat. He smelled of familiarity and of comfort, and in times such as these you had to cling extra fast to things like these lest they fly away, like a bird in frenzy flight, never to be recovered again.

“I don’t know,” whispered Rhy at long last, shocked by how strained and thin his voice sounded to his own ears, curious if Alucard could hear it too. By the look on his face he could, but Rhy was too tired, too sad, too occupied with the fate of this kingdom to keep up the act of royal superiority. Just for once he wanted to be the one to be held, he wanted to be the one who didn’t have to take on any responsibility for everything that was going on, just for once he wanted to lose himself in another´s embrace and be able to let himself fall, in the knowledge there would always be someone there to catch him. Someone like Alucard. 

“I don’t know,” he repeated and his hands went around Luc´s torso as he pressed himself against the magician firmly. It was just what Rhy needed the most right now and Alucard was glad to give his support without questioning.

Neither of them said anything for a long time and they just stood there together, embracing tightly, drawing new strength from the simple presence of the other. It felt like it had been much too long since Rhy had been able to let himself go like this. Usually, these days, he had to act the sublime king, the distant ruler, the dapper gentleman, because there was always someone watching, always someone judging. Naturally, Rhy was neither of these, but only Kell and Luc and very few others knew that and would ever be able to see it.

“He´ll be okay, Rhy,” Alucard mumbled, still absent-mindedly stroking the king´s back. “You´ll be okay too. We will all be okay, trust me.” 

“I trust you,” Rhy whispered back and reluctantly straightened up again. “I just don’t trust this. All of this.” He swept out his hand and encompassed the city, its people, and the entire country that lay behind. He didn’t believe he needed to clarify anything, was convinced Alucard would understand even with the most basic of words what Rhy could not really put into coherent sentences, but he tried it anyways. “I don’t trust the peace or the quietness, none of it. Not after Osaron. Somehow this doesn’t feel right, somehow we are all missing out on something, I can feel it. It may appear happy and peaceful for now, but I know there is something in the wait for us, prowling, stalking us. Something dark. It is not going to get any easier for neither of us. Especially not now, with Kell gone.”

“Such dark and gloomy thoughts,” assessed Alucard with an ironic connotation to his words. “It doesn’t suit you well, my prince.”

There was an insolent retort on Rhy´s lips – he was really not in the mood for any of Luc´s teases right now – but instead of ruining the mood by biting back a reply, he just watched the tiny little dots in white, representing the crew of Kell´s ship, run around the impeccably shining deck of the Night Spire in anticipation and hasty preparation of their immediately impending departure. They looked so tiny from up here, so impersonal. He wished desperately he could not only be but also feel the aloof onlooker, the uninvolved bystander. But no matter what he tried, no matter how hard he tried to ignore the pain, he was not an outsider, he was not uninvolved. He and Kell were the most involved any two human beings could ever get to be – be it through magic or not – and it hurt like hell to imagine him leaving forever.

“You really think he´ll come back?”, Rhy said eventually, asking but not meeting Alucard´s eyes for fear the other might see the depth of emotions that roiled within him.

“Of course I do,” replied his new court-magician almost instantly. “I mean, we both know my personal attitude towards your honoured brother – and his very pronounced opinion about me – but I guess you know him better than that, don’t you? You know he´ll come back eventually. No matter what else may go on with him – hell if I knew – but he feels the same that you do, believe me.” He knowingly indicated the spot on Rhy´s chest where both men knew the rune that was the only thing keeping the king alive for now was quietly throbbing right over his heart, echoing his rapid beats with Kell´s strong and only slightly slower ones. 

“The two of you are bound together after all – inexorably. It must hurt him as much as it does you, to leave you behind. And I know he wouldn’t do that to you, he would never desert you for good. Conceited and cocky as he may be, but he loves you, I gotta give him that. He loves you more than he loves anyone or anything else in this world. Well, right after his own magnificent self, of course. Though I guess we could probably count ourselves lucky if he´s eaten by a sea-monster somewhere along the way. Nobody deserves to deal with that smug a face and the truly impressing level of scowling he manages whenever something doesn’t happen the way he wants it to go down, certainly not you and I. I pity poor Bard even now. Don’t know how she´s gonna be able to endure him all this time. I wouldn’t be surprised, in fact, if she decided to put one of her multiple knives into him at some point. The way I see it, he´s got it coming sooner or later.”

Rhy still refused to respond to Luc´s easy banter, to his carefree manner, he only bowed his head. “What if something real were to happen to him? What if he gets hurt? What would we do, what would I do?” 

“What do you think could happen to him?”, inquired Alucard much more serious than before, finally sensing that Rhy could and would not be cheered up by any of his jokes, but he didn’t leave enough of a pause to give Rhy time to come up with an actual answer. “He is one of the most powerful magicians in this world, Rhy. He´s an Antari; accompanied by the only other, even more powerful Antari left in this and in all other worlds. Together, they are more powerful than an entire squad of ordinary sorcerers. Now that Osaron´s dead, what makes you think anything or anyone could ever hurt them again? I am convinced they will be able to take perfect care of each other all by themselves.”

Rhy had to smile a little bit at that. “Well, you´ve met Kell. And Lila isn’t the most peaceful or quiet-living individual I´ve ever met either, is she? When the two of them are together, what could not possibly go wrong?”

Luc´s lips spread wide, delighting in the fact that Rhy seemed to be finding his way back to his usual and much merrier self. “See, that´s the spirit. You´re perfectly right, of course, regarding you´re quite the troublemaker on your own.” He gave Rhy a very ambiguous leer and winked at him, but Rhy was quickly running out of good humour and just couldn’t keep the happiness on his features. “But all joking aside,” Alucard continued, solemn yet again. “Kell is an adult human being. So is Lila. They are not about to throw themselves headlong into destroying the most powerful being this world has ever seen, they are just taking a trip together. They may both not always know what they are doing, but so far, they managed quite well to stay alive and only very nearly got themselves killed. Besides, they have an awesome ship and a very capable crew. You can trust them if not the two headless Antaris themselves to bring Kell back to you in one piece.”

Rhy turned back towards the sea and the sheer amount of possibilities that awaited his brother out there. Possibilities Kell had longed for for the entirety of his life spent restrained to the Maresh Palace and the service of Rhy´s late father. Possibilities that his brother was finally able to explore and enjoy. Possibilities that for Rhy himself were no longer available, would never be available any more, not as long as he lived. Rhy sighed. He only hoped Alucard was right and Kell would indeed come back, one day. He only hoped his brother wouldn’t get himself killed or into any other kind of trouble, though the way he knew him he most certainly would. Trouble seemed to follow Kell these days, no matter where he went, though it certainly had been Rhy who had started this particular inclination. He only hoped he would not have to wait too long, though, until he saw Kell again. He hoped that with all his heart, with all his strength, cause every second they drew farther apart, every second Kell was not close by and in calling distance and Rhy could feel the cord that attached one man to the other tighten, he ached in a multiple kind of uncomfortable ways, all of them new and all of them equally unwelcome to the former prince. 

The ship was pulling out of the harbour for good now and slowly starting to idle with the current of the widening Red River, out towards the sea, out towards the rest of the world. Rhy took a deep, deep breath and thought he discerned a whiff of salt and seaweed and fish on it that he immediately associated with the open ocean. He watched the Night Spire gain speed and her fairway deepened as she eventually slipped out of his grasp for good and he knew he couldn’t stop things now, not even if he´d wanted to.

Anoshe, Rhy thought as he lifted his hand in a final gesture of farewell. He didn’t think Kell could see him, way up here, didn’t think his brother would notice even if he did, wasn’t all that sure if Kell would actually even look back towards the brother he left behind, but it helped when he imagined Kell standing down there on the deck of the Night Spire, glancing back one last time towards the royal palace he had called his home for almost twenty years of his life, before he dove forward into adventure, into the great unknown, lifting his own hand in a last and lingering token of brotherly love. Rhy felt strangely at peace, for a moment. Then the ship sailed out of London and the king began to shudder.

“Don’t you want to come inside again,” Alucard said after a long time of the two of them standing together quietly high above the roofs of Red London in the windy skies. The Night Spire was only a tiny speck of black against the crimson red of the river far off to the east now and would very soon blend with the haze of a sunny autumn day and hence disappear from Rhy´s eyes altogether. “It is chill out here in the unprotected open and you could catch a cold.” A brief pause, then a sly grin. “And we don’t want that to happen, do we? I would never be able explain your illness to our most beloved Kell. He´d set me straight on fire if I let anything happen to you.”

“Setting things on fire is usually more of Lila´s job, isn’t it?”

“True enough,” mused Luc and smiled wistfully at the thought of his former apprentice. “But she´d probably just set me on fire a second time, right after her beloved one did, just for the fun of it, and for not taking good enough care of you, you know how the two of them are. So please, come back inside. You know I hate to see you suffer.”

It was not actually that cold outside, Rhy knew Luc only said this to get him to stop mourning his brother´s departure, stem the tearing sense of loss that came with it and get his mind occupied with something else. He knew that and appreciated the gesture but just wasn’t sure if he was ready for it yet. It did not feel as if his brother merely took off for a purely educational trip through the world, soon to be reunited with his hometown, but as if a most crucial part of himself had forever left him, and the interwoven scar on his chest ached and throbbed even more insistent the farther the two boys drew apart. He closed his eyes, rubbed his temples and sighed.

“You´re probably right,” he conceded finally and turned back to Alucard. The soft breeze coming from the not so distant sea had been swishing around the slender turret of their part of the royal palace and quite adorably messed up Luc´s dark brown hair in the process. It was usually held together behind his neck by a velvet band, but by now big and wavy brown strands of it had escaped the collective bunch and were caressing his face like a long-lost lover would his boyfriend on a night of passionate reunion. His bright eyes shined to Rhy like they did for no one else in this world and all of a sudden, he felt himself go tingly all over. It was almost too much of an effort to keep his face straight and appearances up, so big was his desire to throw himself at this marvellous man and kiss him, hold him, never let him go again. 

“It would be unseemly for a king to gripe over something like that”, he continued with a heavy heart. “I should try not to let things get to me the way they still do. It´s not fit for a ruler to weep over things such as this. I must not appear weak before my people.” 

“Love is no weakness,” said Alucard solemnly and quietly closed the balcony doors as soon as Rhy had ambled back inside after a last, longing glance out towards the open sea, towards the wide, wide world and towards the spot on the horizon where the tall spires of the Night Spire were just now disappearing over the rim of the horizon far off to the east. He wondered when he would next see them again, if ever. He had never known it could be quite that hard to say goodbye, so painful to let go of someone you cared for as much as he cared for Kell. 

“It is the strongest force in the world. You don’t have to be ashamed that you feel so strongly for him, king or not. Love is more powerful than hate, more powerful than any other feeling I have ever known. It can move mountains, sometimes, can shift entire seas. I know that, I´ve seen it. After all, love is what brought me back here, what led me back to you.” He ambled closer. “And believe me, Rhy, there is no need to worry. As long as Kell´s gone I´ll be here to take care of things, I'll take care of you. I will stand by your side, if you want me to, and I will protect and advice you to the best of my abilities. Whatever you need, I´ll be here. You won´t even notice he´s gone.” 

“Luc…,” whispered Rhy throatily, but Alucard was not finished yet. 

“I´d do anything for you, Rhy,” he said and when he was standing close enough to his lover so that Rhy could feel the heat of magic come off the magician´s body, Luc crossed his arms behind Rhy´s neck and was tilting up his head, pulling Rhy´s own down simultaneously until their lips locked. His kiss was gentle and slow, caring and supportive, loving and delicious – all of it exactly what Rhy needed right now. 

“I love you...”

When they drew apart, Rhy let out a very, very long exhale of breath and noticed a smug little smile tug at the corners of Luc´s lips. 

“Don’t we agree that I am much more stunning company than your glum and gloomy sort of brother?”

“You sure are more magical to me,” answered Rhy. “And that actually is a thing to say, seeing as Kell is Antari and you are not.”

“It clearly seems to me that you have not yet experienced my full potential, and have no idea what I am truly capable of,” teased Alucard, drawing Rhy further away from the arching windows bathing the entire eastern façade of the kingly chambers in late-afternoon light, slowly walking him backwards until he was able to push his lover up against the high board of the big four-poster-bed and press himself against Rhy, starting to properly kiss his breath away. 

“It is about time, I think, that I show you,” Alucard continued, now wildly grinning, and when he pulled Rhy down into the soft covers of his bed so that Rhy landed on top of him, the king allowed himself to set aside the crown for a few intimate hours of passionate respite in more than the most literal sense of words, for the time being concentrating fully on being the joyful prince, the tender partner, the caring and insightful lover.


End file.
